Richard Nixon: Speeches, Writings, Documents
by Richard Nixon



350+ pages of Nixon in Nixon's own words. You know you want to. Even the people who made the book call him "America's most controversial president". And it includes "schoolboy letters". I can't imagine "Nixon" and "schoolboy" together without laughing and thinking of a cartoon character. Reminds me of the time I was at Richie's house and his mom told him to make dinner, and he just turned around and said, "Mom, I am not a cook". Dix was like that. Wild that way.

Zimbabwe's Guerrilla War: Peasant Voices
by Norma J. Kriger



A real peasant should be seen but not heard. That's what my grandfather always said. He owned an African diamond company and was butchered in his sleep by two of his slaves. Until he died, though, he was a wise man.

Literature and Dictatorship in Africa and Latin America, 1958-1987
by Josaphat Bekunuru Kubayanda



Words to free and repress by. This is a cool topic, though, seriously. I can't be snappy about it. But I can be snappy about the author's name: Josaphat Bekunuru Kubayanda. Here, say it again: Josaphat Bekunuru Kubayanda. Imagine that guy driving the lane and dunking on Lebron James. That's what I thought. Rezpek da Josaphat! Rezpek!

Narrative Of A Voyage To The Northwest Coast Of America: In The Years 1811, 1812, 1813, and 1814
by Gabriel Franchere



Nothing beats paying new-book prices for something written 200 years ago. But, dammit, old travel narratives are awesome. Nowadays, people just use Google Earth.

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running
by Haruki Murakami



What I Talk About When I Talk About Murakami: a strange Japanese novelist who's now written a memoir about propulsing the ground with greater-than-normal conviction by quickly moving his legs. Uh oh! My spell checker suddenly tells me that "propulsing" is not a word. I'm pretty sure it is, and I probably used it wrong, but, even if it's not, it should be. Roundabout: I want to read this book.

Brilliant Orange
by David Winner



Brilliant Orange, my ass. Losing in the quarter-finals to Russia. B'ah! If you want to read about Dutch footy, read about Dutch footy in the 1970s. Mmm, Cruyff...

My Life with Che: The Making of a Revolutionary
by Hilda Gadea



Like he did at most things he ever tried, Che failed at marriage, too. That's why some dude named Ilan Stavans can write that "Che Guevara is our Jesus Christ". I'm assuming that means he's an idiot, so when, a few sentences later, he writes that in the book we "come across a Che that is, at once, small and larger-than-life", his humorous pun is an accident. Incidentally, a good title for a Che book: The Red Star of Courage.

Violence: Big Ideas/Small Books
by Slavoj Zizek



In the words of Steven Poole of The Guardian: "[Slavoj Zizek] stares out, disheveled, from the page and dares the reader to disagree." Well, I disagree. Brush your hair, you bum, and stop staring; it's not polite! Oh, wait, I forgot: a normal-haired, polite Zizek wouldn't be interesting anymore. Well, then, whatever it takes to market yourself, Slavoj. It's hard out there for a philosopher.

Inside Defense: Understanding the U.S. Military in the 21st Century
by editors



Essays on the American military: perpetual Miss Understood or alluring, deceitful femme fatale? I'm sure this book will tell me. I'm kind of interested to know what the miltary does, too. Baked goods? Is it baked goods? I bet it's baked goods. I hear McArthur made a mean peanut butter cookie.

Libya since 1969: Qadhafi's Revolution Revisited
by Dirk Vandewalle



I'll be honest: even though I've read the name Qadhafi over and over again and I know where Libya is, I don't know a g'damn thing about it. That's why I'm interested in reading this book. According to the description, if I do I will learn about two things: "the rise of the military in Libya, the impact of its self-styled revolution on Libyan society and economy." I guess Libya's been pretty dead since 1969.

Hell's Cartel: IG Farben and the Making of Hitler's War Machine
by Diarmuid Jeffreys



They'll tell you they were just following shipping orders. The cover is cute, though, with its rhyming title and 'lil Hitler. But I don't think the author's even a historian. Oh, well, Hell's Cartel, Nazi books will always sell.

The Chemical Muse: Drug Use and the Roots of Western Civilization
by D. C.A. Hillman



And then—and then Plato says, he says to me, dude, we're in Atlantis, dude. And I was like, no way, man. And he was like, yeah, yeah, cause, he says, Atlantis is inside you. Inside me? And he laughed and then I just tripped out. It was awesome. It was like my retinas were these pools of dark water and anyone could go in for a swim and if you drowned you were in Atlantis. God, I'm hungry.

American Puppet Modernism: Essays on the Material World in Performance
by John Bell



I know this is about puppets; but, as one reviewer says, "we belittle puppets at our peril." Or, in the words of another: "The essays in American Puppet Modernism are a welcome addition to puppet research and writing." Though I'm sure this is a fine book, and puppetry is actually a fine art that deserves to have books written about it, let's be honest: puppets aren't things we generally take seriously. Doing so is funny. They're puppets.

The Forsaken: An American Tragedy in Stalin's Russia
by Tim Tzouliadis



A book about rebellious Americans who decided they hated America and went to live with Uncle Joe in the USSR instead. Except Uncle Joe turned out to be a paranoid rapist and murderer, so they were basically pwned.

Modernism in China: Architectural Visions and Revolutions
by Edward Denison and Guang Yu Ren



I hate the Chinese, but I'm oddly attracted to their modernism. It's so modern. With its modern moderns and their modernist modern things. Incidentally, was James Joyce Chinese, because all his books are incomprehensible to me?

World War I: The African Front: An Imperial War on the Dark Continent
by Edward Paice



The title of this book has not one but two colons in it. That means not only is it twice as good as any one-colon book, but it gets to have a doctor stick his finger up its ass twice as often as usual. Yes, that was obvious and dumb. Also obvious and dumb: that we only think of France when we think of WWI.

Religion and the Culture of Print in Modern America
by editors



The medium is the message of God. Too bad it only focuses on print media, because print is boring. I want God with laser shows and rock music and that guy from Creed shouting at me. And a big-ass subwoofer attached to a car that bounces up and down whenever there's a black guy in it. Religion, fool: get it.

Race, War, and Remembrance in the Appalachian South
by John C. Inscoe



A look at how what we remember may not be what was and the ways in which the differences, whether intentionally created or not, affect the present and the future. Historical memory is an interesting field and this book looks interesting. So put down that Oprah Book Club selection (I know you buy them religiously) and read a real book for once. You know: one you have to concentrate on somewhat and will probably not enjoy reading on the can.

The Revolution Continues: New Art From China
by The Saatchi Gallery



Books about China sure are popular in these pre-Olympic, post-Chinese ascendancy days. Here's one about Chinese art that has a funny cover. That man, he so red. He so red, he hurt my head. Go China. Go China.

Heirloom: Notes from an Accidental Tomato Farmer
by Tim Stark



I wonder if books like these are popular because people still want to believe it's possible to toss away their own 9-5 jobs in the city and settle down successfully performing a romanticized version of work that's "close to the earth". Either that, or it's the eco-trend. Either way, this guy's life seems like it was written by a Hollywood producer in between meetings on a paper napkin in red crayon.